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Top Ten Signs Your Car Won't Be Breaking the Land Speed Record
Mon Jul 20 1998

Bullet 10. You're often passed by guys on riding mowers.

9. You can't fully depress gas pedal because of all the Big Mac wrappers and soda cans.

8. Every time you get up around 120, a Connecticut state trooper pulls you over.

7. Mechanic tells you it won't survive another car wash.

6. Getting your car to start involves the fire department and a catapult.

5. How fast can a car go when it's got 23 clowns in it?

4. Every time you fill your gas tank, car doubles in value.

3. It's hard to gain speed with all those kids waving you down to buy ice cream.

2. Your car can go 800 mph, but those bastards from the Guinness Book won't talk to you because you're Jewish.

1. It goes from 0 to 60 in 9 days.

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